Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas That Don’t Suck

Want to get something for that special someone that isn’t… well, lame?

Yeah, yeah – The stores have stuffed animals, flowers, chocolate – All that crap. While women are wanting to get him something but not even sure what he would like, men are buying stuffed animals. Cute. But useless clutter after the holiday has come and gone.

We know the best gifts are sometimes the gift of creating memories together, but sometimes you just want to give something special too.

We’ve looked high and low, scaled the scariest depths of Amazon, looking for gifts for REAL people. Useful gifts. Sentimental items that won’t cause resentment because our new Marie Kondo fixation says we shouldn’t be holding onto items that don’t bring us joy (but will make us feel guilty as hell to throw away). Quirky, practical, cheap, interesting – Your guide to guilt-free giving starts here:

For Concert-Lovers, Musicians, Motorcyclists or Sound Anxiety Sufferers

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My brain and ears have been having this fight for years…My brain loves music. My ears hate extremely loud noise. These earplugs are the compromise.

I didn’t have an “eargasm” but the part of my brain that likes music while hating painfully loud noise was happy. Unlike foam earplugs, these won’t totally kill your listening enjoyment. They are decibel-reducing earplugs which preserve the fidelity of sound while blocking harmful frequencies. It’s like putting a volume control on the room you are in. Pretty cool!

They are fantastic for musicians who rely on being able to hear bandmates while preserving their hearing (Also great for vocalists who still need to hear pitch while dulling sound). Along with a pair of concert tickets, this is one gift your concert-going love or musician would likely never think to ask for, but they’re pretty awesome, super easy to insert in your ears, and they come in smaller sizes for those of us with smaller ear canals (you can get those here: Eargasm Smaller Ears Earplugs).

Anxiety sufferers who are noise-sensitive will also love these. If you still need to hear, but need to dull the sharpness of sounds around you, these are for you. We highly recommend also getting the Eargasm Earplugs Connector Cord  so you can take them out easily and keep them handy. Also recommended for motorcyclists.

For the Handyman

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What do you get the man who has everything? Or what do you get the husband who has been sitting on the couch for three weeks straight after we asked them to hang a ceiling fan? This thing right here – A magnetic wristband made for holding screws, bolts and nails.

This is another gift we’ve actually purchased because of the amazing reviews. There are a ton of variations on this product on Amazon, but all with the same concept – This product eliminates the need for something or someone to hold your screws and bolts while you’re working. This way, they are always handy and you don’t need your wife or kid to hold onto them for you and hand them to you, one by one. Just think! If Ralphie’s dad had one of these in ‘A Christmas Story’, he never would have uttered the F word and had to sit with a mouth full of soap.

For Anyone…Really

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There is no limit to the number of things that can be personalized, these days. We are big fans of personalized gifts as long as they provide some function. From beautiful wall art, personalized throw pillows, dog tags, coffee mugs, cool picture frames, necklaces personalized with your photo or pet’s photo, or even SOCKS with your face on them – What is a funnier or more creative gift? Our personal favorites are the double photo frame above. Put your favorite song lyrics or poem on one side and a photo of the two of you on the other. Instant hit! It’s a gift most would absolutely love.

The pendant locket above is not only beautiful on the outside, but you can put your favorite picture inside. There’s a sweet video on the product page of someone giving this to their mom! Lockets sure aren’t as typical or cheesy as they used to be.

Finally, check out the hammer reading ‘Let’s Build More Memories Together’? Say it with me: “Awwwww” Even the most manly man might have their eyes start sweating a little. This one is great for a man when you want to give him something sweet and sentimental but not too knick-knack-ish or sappy.

For the Guy Who Likes Tailgating

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These gifts are just FUN. It’s another one we’ve tried and tested. I bought the scoreboard for my cornhole-loving husband. If you don’t know what cornhole is and are looking at us like we’re crazy, think “bean bag toss” (pictured above). It’s become such a serious sport, they even have Cornhole championships on TV now. It’s a good, fun party game and very popular with tailgate party-goers.

If you already have a cornhole set, the scoreboard is an awesome setup to not only keep score, but to keep you from throwing out your back repeatedly bending over picking up your beer. One of the reviews for this product even says it has a great double usage for scoring points in fights with your significant other (Haha!). But hey, this is a Valentine’s day gift post so let’s not go there…

For the Fashionable Guy Who Has Everything

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Since clothing is really personal, it’s rare we put anything related to clothing on a gift list. When shopping for someone else, it can be hard to get their style just right. But when we come across a find like this, it’s worth mentioning.

This jacket simply looks cool on anyone. One of our writers ordered it for her son, tried it on for fit, and immediately wanted one just like it for herself. It looks great on her, looks great on him, is very high quality, and reasonably priced. She said her son’s eyes lit up when he saw it and he didn’t take it off for a week. And her husband even remarked what a nice jacket it was…and kinda wanted one, too.

For the Woman Who Wants to Get Organized

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OMG. Take our money! Where has this been all our lives? Men, why would you not buy this for your lady? If the mess she leaves all over the bathroom counter annoys you, we see that makeup carousel helping immensely. Jewelry – Everywhere? Take a look at that mirror that doubles for jewelry storage.

As an added bonus, maybe being organized will help her get ready a little faster not having to search for what she’s looking for? Seriously, this is a win-win for both of you. What are you possibly waiting for?

Stupid Gifts…Because Neither of You Take Valentine’s Day Seriously Anyway

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What the hell IS this stuff? Mini-golf…for the toilet?!

There are lots of reasons why this could make an outstanding gift, such as; He won’t be using his smart phone, getting poop germs all over the screen? Or maybe you feel sorry for him because you kick his ass at mini golf and he needs practice? Next, we have the beer fortune teller, which promises 20 different fortunes in the bottom of your glass. It’s a good excuse to drink to find the answers in the bottom of a beer!

An inflatable tube man (desktop size and comes with an adapter! Yay! No batteries!). This is great for those weirdly obsessed with these things and get all their best dance moves from them (Let’s Just say we know people). Another source of endless joy until the last crayon runs out, is the ‘Gangsta Rap Coloring Book‘. We don’t even have words for the joy this could bring many 40 year-old suburban moms who miss the days of cruising the local strip mall to the sounds of Tupac.

Last, and perhaps, definitely the least, we have the gift of absolutely nothing. If it doesn’t bother you too much to pay for nothing, it’s the perfect gift. Packaged beautifully and all set up to bring…not much joy. It probably won’t get you laid, but it will teach a lesson the next time they tell you they want “nothing”. Well, here ya go…

For the Woman Who Is Ready for Summer Already 

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We are living in the best times. They make lawn chairs now with holes for your face…and your boobs! How great is that? So, we were leery reading all the Amazon reviews of this chair, but gleaning a lot of the negativity is because it doesn’t hold up well for holding…Err, a lot of weight? So maybe it’s not the best chair, yet, for ladies who are all about that bass, but we sincerely hope one is manufactured which caters to EVERY woman’s dream of lying face down and reading her book on the beach. That should be a God-given right. Someone get on it!

In the meantime, if your girl is more on the petite side, reviewers are stating they can’t live without this. So it’s kind of a big deal. And we’ll be honest, this chair sounds like heaven.

For the Couple Who Want a Good Night’s Sleep

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1, 2 – Menopause is coming for you…
3, 4 – Won’t sleep no more…
5, 6 – Might wanna buy this…
7, 8 – No more staying up late…

We kid, we kid. The BedJet V2 Climate Comfort for Beds comes with a cooling fan + heating air with biorhythm sleep technology. This model is a single zone control, at $349 topping as the most expensive item on our list. You can get a dual zone for a King bed at a whopping-but-worth-it $789 (also available if you click the photo and choose the dual zone option). It’s built just to keep you cool…or toasty and warm on these winter nights. The manufacturers also state that the product keeps things a little drier under the sheets and less prone to smelly bacteria and other nasties from moisture expended while we sleep. Now, that’s cool! Or warm…or whatever!

Look at this as two gifts in one. It’s a gift for both of you and has so many uses. The reviews of this product truly show the dollar value is well-compensated. If she’s freezing, she can crank it up and at least warm her cold feet before she shoves them into your back. You can also include aromatherapy in the uses of this product. And it’s all controllable via your phone! Who wouldn’t want this? Sounds like it’s worth every penny.

For the One Who is Obsessive About Keeping Stuff Like New


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Don’t f*ck up the table!” Did we stutter? These slightly crude, but hilarious coasters make the perfect gift for your foul-mouthed friends or for your significant other who is always f*cking up the table. You can’t be around to remind them 24/7 so this is the next best thing. Dare you to leave them out when the in-laws visit…

But if you like to keep your mouth as clean as your table…We’ve found some pretty cool coasters in the shape of 45’s.

For the Armchair Politician

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Is your husband a news and politics junkie? Being that today’s news is about 90% politics and 10% actual stuff going on in the world that does not involve politics, perhaps it’s not FAKE NEWS that he’s chosen his side and tells the world about it? God bless him. If politics are the main squeeze of your main squeeze, get them a little something sure to bring a chuckle. Politics: The new team sport. Don’t build THE WALL between you. Support his political habit!

For the Every-Now-and-Then Wine Drinker or Collector

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If your wine drinker gets aggravated because they only want a glass every now and then and the bottle goes bad because they don’t drink enough, this is a great gift. The Coravin wine system allows you to insert a tiny needle through a bottle’s cork to extract wine while leaving the bottle sealed, replacing the siphoned wine with argon gas. This means you don’t have to commit to opening a bottle and drinking it within the next week. Maybe they’re faithful to you, but it’s great for those with commitment issues to drinking.

On the other end of the scale, this one is perfect for the wine collector. You can get a sample of any wine in your collection without opening the bottle. It’s a wonderful gift for anyone with a palate for wine. And it’s used by many professional wineries and restaurants now. Also by the writer of this article! This is a ‘must have’ for wine enthusiasts.

For the One Who Entertains or Likes His Music to Create a Mood

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Right before Christmas, we were wandering Best Buy in search of gifts for the kids when we saw a guy fooling with this speaker. He was connecting his phone to it and music came bursting forth from it with a light show, a strobe and beautiful sound with tangible bass. My husband and several other men were drawn like moths to flame.

“Wow! That’s great!” my husband’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cheap, too!” the guy said.

“Oh, I kind of want one…This is fantastic!”

By the drawing crowd of fascinated men and with a price tag under $250, I knew exactly what I was getting for him. The whole house uses this speaker now. It’s well-loved by all as our Ultimate Party Speaker and the light show is super cool.

For the one who Likes Tech That Makes Life Easier

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“I just want to watch my YouTube cooking show…IN the KITCHEN! Ugh!!!” but the WiFi craps out if you are outside of the office. Great. The Rock Space WiFi Extender is that gadget thing you may never have heard of…that you never even knew you needed. The promise of extended WiFi? Adding to shopping cart. Can’t live without this.

The ScreenBeam also allows you to watch content from your phone on your TV quickly and easily. Even more cool? Reviewers are saying you don’t even need WiFi to do this. The device creates its own network and works with most phones, laptops and tablets.


For the One Who Buys What They Want, When They Want It
Okay, we’ve found some of the “weird” and “wonderful” for you, but if your spouse is the type that knows what they want (which makes them a real challenge to buy for) and will just get it when they want it, make sure they have an Amazon Prime Membership. It’s so worth it. Not only do they get expedited shipping with it, but there are a ton of benefits including a Netflix-like service (Amazon Prime), photo storage, etc. Your whole household can use a single membership so you can buy anything on this list…and get it faster!

Did you find your perfect Valentine’s Day gift on this list? Are we missing something amazing? Let us know! We’d love to hear about it!