Some people call them “Frenemies”.
Do you really like them?
Do they really like you?
You’re really not sure.
By some sort of obligation, there is an unexplained duty to let them sit and smirk in the corner of our lives. We let them peruse the details of our lives on social media. Always observing, laughing at us when we trip up. Jumping in immediately to agree with anyone who says something against us.
And we wonder why we feel socially anxious and uncomfortable in our own skin!
Maybe they are friends of friends. Maybe there is some other tie to them in which it would feel like too much of an upheaval to sever. You just want to fly under the radar with them…but you worry about hurting their feelings.
It’s easy to become so worried about hurting others’ feelings without being mindful of how they treat us. However, the first time I heard someone tell me to cut all the negative people out of my life, I laughed.
Some of the closest people in the world to me were horribly negative people. The type of people you might love for their own quirks, weirdness, even their kindness, but they were determined to not allow me to grow. I was in a period where I’d been working on myself and thought I was on my way to becoming a butterfly; They told me I wasn’t a caterpillar. I was an earth worm. I thought I was growing smart and capable; They made sure I knew I was irresponsible or stupid.
The problem with keeping these kind of people around, is that we start to believe them on some level. We tolerate them. We put up with their crap because we wonder if their criticisms of us are valid. Enough to make us justify their hurtfulness. What if they are only telling the truth even if it hurts to hear…?
“Be realistic,” We hear them say through a smirk, implying that you’re being unreasonable in your goals. What if they are right? They throw a wrench in your gears to the point you can’t even see the possibilities anymore; Only all the reasons why you might fail.
Stop right there. We can’t let people who never have anything nice to say come into our lives to crap on our every thought. There is no point to it. It is your life to lead, isn’t it?
So maybe you let them say what they have to say, but have stopped taking haters to heart and feel like you’ve finally become mentally strong.
BUT…You’re going to keep them around to “show” them. You will go on to be successful and make them eat their words. You’ll keep them around just to show them how wrong they were.
I knew a woman who once made every post of hers on Facebook public because she knew her ex-husband might see it. In every one, she posted sexy pictures of herself to show him what she thought he was missing. She posted about her vacations. She made her life seem more glamorous and exciting than it was. After a while, everyone realized she was living her entire life just to spite him and we wondered if she realized it, too.
What kind of life is it living for the benefit of others? Everything she did was “aimed” at someone. Whether it be a passive aggressive Facebook post or a post about how great her life was and how much fun she was having. She wanted all her “haters” to know it.
What she actually didn’t see was that everyone saw through her. Nobody cared. Nobody was jealous. When someone lives their life posting passive aggressive Facebook quotes – Underneath it all is a kind-of pathetic veneer to a painful life nobody in their right mind is actually jealous of. Lots of people can sniff out posers a mile away.
She continued living her life for her “haters” until her real friends got sick of it. Every conversation with her was negative. Everything was always about the people who supposedly hated her. She was always plotting and planning her next move and how she was going to make them look stupid.
Witnessing all this unfold on social media was sad. I finally unsubscribed to her issues. And it felt amazing.
Ask yourself this question. Would you let someone who hated you come into your house and sit in the back of the room and roll their eyes and criticize you?
I don’t think so.
So why would you keep them in your circle of friends? On social media? “Haters” have no place in your life. None. They are never going to do you any good. There is a simple answer to this dilemma – Drop them. Yes, I know you will say it’s not that easy. I don’t care if it’s your own mother. When someone treats you with continuous disrespect, they have no place in your life. Slam the door.
Why, exactly, would you even feel like you have to keep them around so they can see you reach the pinnacle of success one day? You’re wanting to prove them wrong and think this is going to dispel their hatred?
News flash – It won’t.
And it’s going to make it harder for you to reach success. Because you are always going to have their negative voice in your ear.
Think about this, too – What if you don’t succeed? What if you have a multitude of failures in your life? You are giving them fuel for their own drama-kindled fire. Protect your life, your heart, your soul, your being. Get rid of these people who have no positive will towards you.
Get rid of ambivalent people whom you are not sure like you or not. People who do like you will let you know. People who do not like you won’t hide it. They make things easy. Ambivalent people, on the other hand, will chip away at your confidence. They are a slow drip of acid to your self worth.
Keeping a hater on social media to “show them” is like dropping a toaster in your bathtub while you’re soaking because it breaks the toaster when it’s submersed in water, too.
You’re only hurting yourself.
Taking it a step further, if you are the type that believes in “energies”, when you invite haters to hang around in your circle of friends, you are also extending a welcome to their toxic, negative energy. If you think you are going to go on to become a raging success surrounded by haters and their energy weighing you down, think again.
These people have a way of getting into your head and filling it with negativity. They are masters of dragging out the darkest of thoughts and placing them in your brain like mental roadblocks. Get away from them.
Live your life for you and the people who love you.
There may be people who are so deeply entrenched in your life, it’s like sawing off your own arm to escape. But you need to…for your mental health.
On the other side of all this is the circle of friends you always dreamed of having. The people who love, care for you and who let you live your own life. The ones who don’t take your kindness for granted.
Life is better when there is nobody sitting over in the corner hoping to see you stumble and fall. If they don’t love you at your worst, they certainly don’t deserve you at your best.